My Mother
My Mom Benita was 38 years old when this all began. She was fun, a single mama to us 3 kids, and was one of the best people one could know. So, this is her story from her daughter’s view.
I was 15 years old when my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, she happened to find a lump on day while taking a bath. Her doctor assured her it was “Nothing to worry about”. It became larger, they finally did a mammogram and then further testing was done to find out it was indeed the BIG “C” word. We were all so devastated. I was so young, and was so afraid, no one ever that close had anything like this. Lots of praying and leaning on family. They started treatment chemo, and a lumpectomy, they also placed a silicone breast in its place. My mom suffered with feeling “Less than a woman” due to this Cancer. She fell into a deep dark depression. It was hard enough for us kids to see our mom with Cancer and all that comes with that. The treatment was not friendly to her, then to add the depression on top of it was hard to see her like that.
She was looking good; we got the confirmation she beat it. Then the silicone cracked open her breast and was making its way out. The surgeon who placed the silicone in slapped a band aid on it and said it looks ok, we got the second opinion and they said, “This needs to come out today”. She was fighting the beginning stages of Gangrene and her body was not having the silicone. They removed it that day.
They did the surgery, she recovered and all the while she relied on God, prayers, family, and her humor.
She was given the OK, your clear and was told to follow up in 5 years. We were so happy to have this news. She was the first in our family to have this.
Fast forward 6 years and she had a slight cough, she passed it on as allergies, finally after nagging at her to see her doctor, she did. They ordered a Chest Xray and there it showed masses, which again they said could be an infection. Further testing proved to be Lung cancer which was breast cancer that came back and hit the lungs and liver. Still, she was a believer and a fighter. After a few days of crying and only being 44 years old at the time she was sure GOD was going to use this as a testimony and help someone else out. She worked with her oncologist, and she began Chemo once again. She never once let us kids know she had any doubt she was going to overcome this again. I would pick her up and drive her to Chemo, sit with her, watch her and how she remained so calm. Made friends with so many patients and nurses. I must admit It was so hard to see her “chemo friends” often not come back the next week. She was the one who would greet and welcome the newest member to the club. I was inspired and thought the “C” word does not always mean the death sentence. Which a worry wart like me, her daughter needed to have reassurance.
Things were just plugging away; it was a year later, and it was the “cold” season, so I had to limit my time when I was sick with the common cold. We talked all the time on the phone, she was the best friend one could ever have. It was then on one of the phone calls she thought oh man I am getting sick; my ears feel off and its like “I’m walking on a boat”. A few days later I went to her house to see her walking was off. It looked like she was walking on a boat in the wavy sea. I said you need to go see your doctor; you maybe have an ear infection. Well, they had her do an MRI of the brain and sure enough she had a few masses in her brain. They called her that same night, to let her know she had Cancer in the brain, it spread.
It was another blow. I was so afraid at this time, I looked at her and could not even imagine what she felt. She had to be covering her real feeling for us kids. She went to see another specialist in oncology who performed the GAMMA knife. They screwed in a halo into her head, and it was lasers shot into the spots of these masses to shrink them. MRI later they only shrank a bit. They decided to do surgery and remove what they could. One of them was so close to her brain stem that they could not get it all.
It was right before Christmas that they did surgery on her brain. That is when after that surgery things went downhill. She was unable to talk. It was so frustrating for her and us to not understand her communications. She would just sit in her recliner day and night; she was no longer the mom we knew. She quickly became heavier due to the Steroids they used to help her, which she no longer sounded or looked like our mom. We all took turns to help feed our mother. It started off with small cuts of food, then turned into soft foods only. We talked as a family to see if we should place her in a home where nurses could help her instead of us kids. It was so hard to balance my kids, and life and trying to be with my mom full time to help too. What can I do more of to help? We all were so tired and wore out but could not just give up because it was getting harder. She never gave up on us.
Fast forward some time, and she now was in a hospital bed in her room and hospice was there most days to help. It seemed to become very clear mom was NOT going to pull out of this. My heart broke, I was hurt, depressed and so jealous of others who had their moms, and doing mom-and-daughter things, I went to visit with her and one of the days I would lay on her bed with her and just be next to her, smell her mom smells, the one we know it was our mama. She could not talk and did not look like her, but she was my mama when I laid next to her. That day I was talking to her, and all I wanted was to hear her again, the way she would laugh, talk and her humor. It was not the same. I told her I would come back and bring my kids to visit the next day. I went home and cried all the way home to my kids, I knew it was getting so close to the end, I was not ready for her to leave us. I felt selfish. I knew she hurt and did not feel well. She hung in there for us. I felt another emotion SELFISH. Early the next morning I got the call, the call I was dreading. Your mom is not waking up, you need to get here as soon as you can. I raced around the home, pleading with God to not take her. She was all I had as a parent, she was my everything. My Husband drove me, I sobbed the whole way. I finally got to my Mamas side, held her hand and said I am here mama. I cried and talked to her, I told her its ok mama, you can go to Heaven now. It was then with her hand in mine she left. Her last breath was right there, she had waited for me to come, say my peace and then she left so peaceful. I sobbed. She was gone. Her whole life was an uphill climb and now she was in the arms of God.
To this day I have PTSD, I do not like to say the “C “ word like it is contagious. I feel for others who have or had it. They are heroes to me. I have yet to do a “Relay for Life” since she left us. I am a huge advocate for yearly checkups, mammograms, and pap. I do not pass one year with those. I have been BRACA tested and I am negative and still get the Mammogram, it causes such stress, and I cry. In 2018 I was the same age as my mama when she was diagnosed, and they found something. I had to do an ultrasound-guided biopsy, and waiting for the results was horrible. I praise God it came back as nothing. But I have a tiny butterfly clip inside my left breast to remind everyone I have been tagged. But it will not stop me from getting them, sharing her story, and mine.
In 2014 I lost my sister who was 20 years old to suicide my baby sister just could not get right since Mom left.
My brother is a heroin addict.
As for myself I went to school and was in the medical field for 10 years and shared the importance of yearly Screenings. It may have saved lives.
Thank you for reading this story, I am honored to share my side of what it has done and caused to us.